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Dear friends of San Joaquin,
This spring I have the privilege of being the instructor for the Field Education Seminar in our local School for Deacons. We’ve just concluded reading the book “How Your Church Family Works: Understanding Congregations as Emotional Systems” by Peter Steinke on behalf of the Alban Institute. In part two of the text, Steinke focuses on the differences between “Mature” leaders and “Immature” leaders. The material was so rich that I felt it was important for all of us in the diocese, and especially those of us who serve in leadership positions, to take a look at these characteristics and do a little self-reflection.
So what is a “Mature” leader? According to Steinke, a “Mature” leader is comfortable with delegating and sharing responsibilities; their identity as a leader isn’t wrapped up in being the one person who can do all the work, but rather identifies the strengths and gifts of others and then shares with those people on their team. A “Mature” leader has appropriate boundaries, and focuses on their responsibilities and tasks, instead of micro-managing those on their team. Furthermore, a “Mature” leader has the resiliency to navigate change, accepts challenges, is open to growth, and manages their anxiety. “Mature” leaders are creative, have a sense of vision and direction, operates with integrity, and is not easily rattled by complaints or the anxiety of others.
Contrasting “Mature” leaders to “Immature” leaders, Steinke states that “Immature” leaders focus on short term fixes, are prone to rescuing/saving/fixing behaviors, and have a difficult time managing their boundaries. “Immature” leaders have trouble doing deeper level reconciliation work, so they often engage in being overly critical of others on their team or in leadership or quick fixes. Steinke goes further to state that “Immature” leaders tend to be defensive and rash, often blaming others while acting as victims. They have a hard time navigating change, so they become reactive and stagnate. When “Immature” leaders are really struggling, they can engage in accusations, demands, threats, and other antagonist behaviors.
As we discussed in class recently, our work as clergy and lay leaders is to help people grow. And what we know is that sometimes, growth is challenging and painful; it means letting go of old things-programs, systems, structures–to try something new. As a result, change and growth can be hindered by rumors, gossip, and secrets. Our choice as leaders is whether or not to confront those unhealthy behaviors.
What keeps us from confronting these behaviors (and believe me, we all do this in our different relationships, both in and outside the church)? We worry that we will hurt someone’s feelings, people will leave, and friendships will be shattered. However, the cost of not confronting those aforementioned behaviors is even worse than the fear we have of the confrontation! As Steinke states, “…criticizers and attackers, privilege seekers and power brokers, the least motivated and most recalcitrant are allowed to roam at will…[the behavior] is permitted and enabled…[and] we become organized around our anxiety, which drains our energies and resources” (119-120).
My friends, in these days of worry, of an unstable economy and viruses, of growing concern for the lack of safety nets for those on the margins, and our own internal-to-the-church changes, we as leaders are especially called to step up into being “Mature” leaders. We are called to be a non-anxious presence in our communities. We are called to confront unhealthy and toxic behavior. We are called to speak truth in love. Some days we’ll get it right, and some days we won’t. But let us stay focused on our call as found in Galatians (6:10), “So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all…especially to those who are of the household of faith.”
Be well,
Cn. Anna
